Rahul Gandhi driving, walking and swimming

Rahul Gandhi travelled in his SUV to meet the distressed farmers. But was not allowed to go any further.

So, Rahul Gandhi hopped on to a bike. He was asked for the driver’s licence. He didn’t have any. So was asked to get off the bike.

“But I am Rahul Gandhi,” he said. “Great grandson of Nehru, grandson of Indira, son of Rajiv and apple of Sonia’s eye.”

“The times they are a-changing. Gandhis are passe and Modi-Shah are in. If you aint saffron, please start walking,” said the cop.

Hence Rahul Gandhi strode ahead. After many miles, he encountered a river. But that didn’t budge the Gandhi scion who removed his shoes and kurta to dive into the deep waters.

The river too proved hostile with crocodiles and sharks intending to eat the prince alive. Only in their dreams. Rahul ripped the reptile’s jaws apart. And the scared sharks withdrew without any fight.

Many adventures later, a drenched Rahul Gandhi finally reached a farmland on a camel’s back.

“I am here for you,” he told the farmers there. “Tell me what drives you anxious. I have read the Upanishads and the Gita. I will solve your grievances.”

“That’s wonderful, Rahul ji,” said the farmers. “But we’re afraid you have reached the wrong hamlet. You left your destiny on the other side of the border where you shall find your true subjects.”

Neither in MP nor in Rajasthan, Rahul G as ever found himself in no man’s land.

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Rahul Gandhi’s elevation as Congress President

It seems Congress wants to quicken its extinction by elevating Rahul Gandhi as its President.

The Gandhi scion will take charge, if he does, at a time when the Congress is facing its worst political drought, losing state after state and also its MPs to the BJP.

The first headache he will have is to defend brother-in-law Robert Vadra who has struck yet another deal…err another controversy. The newly crowned prince will have to begin his tenure by defending Vadra. Sounds like an exciting start!

Rahul ji’s political achievements hitherto, according to the Congress, comprises everything under the sun – from painting the sky blue to turning the earth green. But realistically the only accomplishment that can be attributed to him is increasing the LPG cylinder cap from 9 to 12.

It’s wrong to write someone off. Remember Indira Gandhi? The goongi gudiya (dumb doll) who went one to become one of the greatest PMs of this country.

With Rahul Gandhi, you just don’t know who will end up looking dumb – people who write him off or its voters who are diminishing at a rate equal to “the escape velocity of Jupiter”?

Sushma’s speech, Rahul’s salvo and Naidu’s story

The Indian Parliament in full swing is something very few television reality shows can match. Today was one of those days.

The Leader of the Opposition (LoP) Mallikarjun Kharge found himself trending on Twitter as he read out a written speech which accused Sushma Swaraj, at the centre of storm, of misdoings in her capacity as India’s Foreign Minister.

Not getting subdued by the attack, Sushma launched a blistering counter-attack, targeting the Gandhis (Sonia and Rahul), citing the controversial past scandals related to Ottavio Quattrocchi and Warren Anderson, and the family’s alleged involvement in them.

Rahul too had a go at the cornered minister. “She (Sushma) held my hand and asked me beta what have I done to you?” he revealed a private conversation with Sushma wherein, he said, the minister tried to emotionally blackmail him!

The highlight of the day for me was when the Parliamentary Affairs Minister Venkaiah Naidu stood up to vent his anger on the Congress. He narrated a fiction story trying to make an analogy with parliament happenings in recent times.

“There is a famous story in Chennai near my constituency,” began Naidu. “Once two gentlemen were fighting on a railway station. A curious public gathered around them. The first one slammed the second one, seeking Rs 50,000 which he owes to the former. The other gentleman, surprised by the accusation, denied owing any money.

“The two continued to fight as the assembled crowd decided to find and appoint an elderly wise man to resolve the dispute. An old man, brought into the scene, enquired about the dispute. The first man repeated his claim of Rs 50,000 again in front of the wise man. To that, the second man pleaded saying he doesn’t owe anyone anything. In fact, he alighted on the station platform moments before he met the first person.

“The old man thought for a moment before he pronounced a verdict. He told the second man that nobody knows whether you owe money or not. Also, no one knew, he said, whether the second person arrived moments earlier as he claimed. So as a benefit of doubt, the second man should pay the first Rs 25,000 instead of 50,000 and settle the dispute immediately!”

The wise man’s solution didn’t make sense. Just like what’s been happening in the Parliament these days.